Nicola Croote Counselling and Life Coaching

Anxiety and Grief

Nicki — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 19:56:13 +0000

In our society it is often thought of as being ‘strong’ when we don’t show our emotions and are able to ‘forge ahead’ and ‘get on with it’ when being faced with grief or loss. Normally employers and friends are accepting that within the first few weeks you may not be your usual self and employers may cut you some slack but soon you will be expected to return to normal and life goes on. Often we do this to ourselves too, dismissing painful feelings by saying things to ourselves like ‘I should be over this by now’ or ‘what’s wrong with me? It’s time I moved on from this’. However grief can be complicated depending on the type of loss. If you have lost someone close to you it will depend on the kind of relationship you had with them and how they died. If the loss was related to something that you had a lot of hope and expectations attached to such as a miscarriage it can be particularly crushing as you come to terms with the loss of the life you imagined.

How grief was dealt with in your family will also affect your reaction, for example if your family pattern was to dismiss feelings in general and keep the classic British stiff upper lip then you will more than likely have continued doing this too.

The problem is that the more you suppress your feelings of loss the more they will build up over time and create anxiety and panic. In my counselling practice I see clients who have got to the stage of extreme anxiety and panic attacks as a result of not being in touch with and expressing their grief. They may be looking after other family members or friends and neglecting themselves which results in strong feelings building up and finding a way out in the form of anxiety.

Anxiety is characterised by shallow breath, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, racing mind and in extreme cases of panic the fear that you may die as you aren’t aware of it being a panic attack. In short everything speeds up so it’s important to try and start to slow everything down and take control again.

Ways to overcome anxiety

Learn how to breathe – connect with your breath by taking some time out to sit quietly with your feet on the floor and spine straight and become aware of your breath by breathing in and out through your nose as this calms down the central nervous system. Focus on making your breath long and deep, taking it down into your stomach area so that your stomach becomes inflated like a balloon and then make your out breath longer. Counting in for 6 and out for 9.
Connect with your feelings – you may find that feelings associated with your loss surface during your breathing exercise as your breath connects you with your body and you may become more aware of painful feelings such as sadness, despair, hurt or anger. Just notice them and if you feel like crying cry, if you feel angry notice what it makes you feel like doing and as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others find a way of expressing this.
If you find yourself panicking use your breath to slow down your heart rate, focus on something in the room so that your awareness is in the present not with your thoughts and remember to keep your thoughts positive (it’s easy for your thoughts to make you spiral downwards when in a panicked state).
Talk to someone you trust about the loss and how it makes you feel. If this feels uncomfortable find a counsellor who will help you through this difficult time.
Notice negative thoughts which make you feel worse or guilty; write them down and then change them to more rational thoughts and remember that you’re suffering enough without you giving yourself a hard time
Know that once you are able to be with and express your feelings they will pass and it’s true that time really does make it easier and less painful.

If you would like to book an appointment to address feelings of grief and/or anxiety contact me at nicola@nicolacroote.com or 07841 420067

Improving Self Confidence

Nicki — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:16:12 +0000

There are many reasons why someone suffers from low self confidence; things such as unresolved childhood issues, physical or mental ill health, loss of a job or break down of a relationship can all impact on how we feel about ourselves. Or you may have grown up with a negative view of yourself because of the early messages given to you by adults around you. It may be that your lack of self confidence is holding you back and stopping you from being able to live the life that you want to lead. If this is the case try my tips on how to start building your confidence. For the best results practice them daily until they become second nature.

1. Take care of your physical health
Focus on eating healthy food, getting enough relaxation and sleep and getting regular physical exercise. I’ve put this at the top of the list as this is the basis for feeling good about yourself. If your body feels good you will start to feel good. Decide which type of exercise suits you; the gym isn’t for everyone and maybe a yoga or dance class is more suited to your personality and lifestyle. It has to be enjoyable otherwise let’s be honest you won’t do it.

Healthy eating is really important in order to feel good about yourself, eating regularly is important in keeping your blood sugar levels constant and will help with providing sustained energy. Cutting down on sugar, alcohol and caffeine will also help as these may provide you with a quick burst of energy but will leave you feeling deflated and tired as your blood sugar levels drop again.

2. Change your negative thoughts
Become aware of what you are saying to yourself on a daily basis; you’re probably not aware of the negative things that you are telling yourself and how this affects your feelings and behaviours. These kind of thoughts are called negative automatic thoughts because they are so automatic that you don’t even realise that they are there, you just end up feeling bad and are unsure of why. These thoughts are usually the result of unconscious beliefs you have about yourself . When you start being aware of your thoughts, it can be useful to write them down and notice how they affect your feelings and how you act on them. For example if one of your core beliefs about yourself is ”I’m not good enough” and you are going for a job interview, you may be having negative automatic thoughts such as ”there’s bound to be someone better than me” or ”I’m going to mess this up” which means that your confidence will be affected during the interview, the result of this means that you don’t get the job which confirms your original belief that you were not good enough for it anyway.
By identifying your negative thoughts you can start replacing them with new positive affirmations about yourself i.e. I would be an asset to any company due to the skills that I already have, then list the skills that you do have as a way of backing up this new way of thinking so that it is more believable. Now see how that affects your feelings; it’s not difficult but does take effort, commitment and practice just like starting anything new. If you stick with it you will get the results that you want.

3. Enjoy yourself!
Find something gives you pleasure (and isn’t destructive or unhealthy!). Rediscover a hobby or interest or take a class in something that you’ve always wanted to learn. Think about what you used to like doing as a child and rediscover it. Start listening to your body as this can give you clues as to what may give you fulfilment, for example do you feel alive when rollerblading around the park or do you prefer to play sport and being part of a team? Go with what feels right for you and find enjoyment in it by being in the moment and letting go of thinking of the past or future plans.

4. Learn from others
Observe people who you admire and think are confident, see how they act and behave and take on board some of their qualities for yourself. Make the decision to become more confident even if it doesn’t come naturally and take small steps to achieving this. For example dedicate 10 minutes each day towards your goal of becoming more confident. There are hundreds of motivational books out there that are full of great tips and exercises that will help you on your journey to becoming more self assured.

If you find that you are still battling with low self esteem consider attending a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) sessions. CBT is proven to be effective in helping to identify negative thoughts and beliefs and replacing with rational and positive ones. This has the effect of improving the way that you feel about yourself and ultimately the way that you relate to others and to life situations.

To book a CBT session contact Nicola at nicola@nicolacroote.com or 07841 420067

Is your anger style holding you back?

Nicki — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 14:40:00 +0000

Anger is a complex emotion. It is one of the first emotions that you experience and the one that is perhaps the last you learn how to manage. In society anger is often seen as being negative, especially when expressed by women. The fact is that whether you are male or female it is important to learn how to express your anger effectively otherwise your anger really can be responsible for holding you back. There are many things that can make us angry, small things such as someone not doing something the way that you would do it to more obvious things such as a aggressive drivers or an unfaithful partner.

Let’s look at the function of anger, why do we get angry and what is the point of it? Anger has a very important function in that it tells us when a line or boundary has been crossed and our rights have been abused. Physiologically our heart rate increases and adrenaline is released triggering a fight or flight response -your body is gearing up for a fight against a wrong that has been committed against you, the effect of this means that you get a sudden burst of energy. Finding ways of dealing with this upsurge of energy can be effective in being able to let the anger go and move on. Exercise, screaming or shouting (into a pillow if you’re conscious of being heard), using a punch bag can all be helpful ways of expressing your anger and using up the excess energy produced by adrenalin.

Anger is often called a secondary emotion, which means that initially another feeling is experienced before feeling angry. Such as feeling hurt, scared, disrespected, trapped, offended or pressured can all be present but unidentified, as anger very quickly becomes the primary emotion that takes over. In this way it can be seen as a protective mechanism that signals to you that a line has been crossed.

Displaced anger

Have you ever had a disagreement with your boss and come home and started an argument with your partner or shouted at the kids? This is displaced anger. Anger that is unresolved and unexpressed can come out ‘sideways’. It can also be bottled up and suppressed which can sometimes manifest as depression. The first step to recognising when you are angry is to notice the physiological signs mentioned above. The next step in managing your anger is to take some time to understand exactly what you are angry about as it’s easy to react in the heat of the moment and regret it later. Sending emails or text messages is not a good idea when someone has just annoyed you as you can’t take them back when you’ve calmed down. Taking a walk or a day to give yourself space to reflect can be really useful in gaining perspective and helping you to identify how you are going to manage the situation and turn your anger into a useful ally.

Anger Styles

There are quite a few different types of anger styles but they generally fall into three categories; passive or aggressive. If you don’t like expressing your anger or in fact can’t even connect with it most of the time, you fall into the passive category. If you are someone who tends to be quite passive when it comes to getting angry the chances are that you will resort to passive-aggressive tactics. In other words you may often find ways of getting what you want without directly communicating it, consciously or unconsciously.

If you find that your anger gets you into trouble a lot due to the fact that you lose your temper or say things without thinking in the heat of the moment you are at the other end of the spectrum and your style veers towards the aggressive end of the spectrum. Somewhere in the middle of this continuum is assertiveness. Being assertive is the most effective way to be when it comes to communicating your anger to someone as it means that you will be honouring your feelings whilst letting the other person know how you feel without pointing the finger or blaming them. It shows them that you are communicating in an adult way and that you want the situation resolved without losing your temper or resorting to underhand ways of expressing yourself e.g. revenge tactics.

Being assertive

The first step in becoming assertive is by recognising your present anger style – start by noticing the times when you do feel angry by being aware of physiological changes. Also notice any underlying feelings and thoughts that may be present, for example, do you feel hurt or pressured? What are your thoughts about the situation? Then notice what you do with these feelings; do you tend to dismiss them and pretend that everything is alright? Or do you recognise them but do something you know will annoy the person who’s made you angry? Alternatively do you explode and immediately say what you think? Be honest with yourself.

Keeping an anger journal can be useful in helping you to identify what your anger style is and the thoughts that are behind it. Log the situation, your thoughts about it and how you feel on a scale of 0-100. For example Debbie is angry at her boss John and writes in her journal:

Situation: “John is constantly on my case about this piece of work”

Thoughts: “why doesn’t he leave me alone?” “He obviously doesn’t trust that I can get this piece of work done in time” “I feel like leaving”

Feelings: “pressured” – 90% “angry” – 100%

Once you have identified what you are doing with your anger you can start to change it. The next step is to tell the person who has annoyed you how you feel about their behaviour. It may help to write down what you want to say beforehand and be sure to include how their actions have affected you, how you feel about it and what you would like to change. This way the other person is clear about the situation and can respond accordingly. When you speak be aware of your tone of voice, make sure it is not whiney and apologetic or aggressive and blaming but polite, courteous and confident. Talking it through with someone you trust beforehand can be useful as they will be able to give you helpful feedback.

Using the example above Debbie asks to speak with John and explains that when John is constantly asking her about her progress on a particular piece of work she feels pressured, which makes it more difficult to complete the work in time, she explains that the more John enquires about her progress, the more pressured she feels. She would assure John that the work will be done on time but what she needs is for John to give her space to do this. By doing this Debbie will be owning her feelings about the situation whilst letting John know what she needs.

Being confident that you have a right to be angry at a situation or someone’s behaviour is key to becoming assertive. If you are unsure if you have a right to be angry, check it out with a trusted friend who is likely to be honest and not just say what you want to hear.

Learning how to be assertive takes time and effort, after all you have managed your anger in your way for most of your life so it’s not going to change overnight. The good news is that change is definitely possible; all you need is commitment and practice.

If you still feel unable to manage your anger and it’s affecting your life contact me to arrange a course of anger management sessions. nicola@nicolacroote.com 07841 420067

Winter Newsletter

Nicki — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:53:29 +0000

Winter is the time when things stop growing and energy gets drawn into the earth. This can have the effect of making you feel tired and withdrawn. You may feel the need to sleep more, find yourself having less energy and probably wanting to retreat inside away from the cold. Although winter can be difficult for many due to short days and long drawn out dark nights it can also be a good time to re-connect with yourself and use the time inside to reflect on where you are in your life and to think about what you want for the year ahead. It can be a great time to meditate or to learn to as there is less distraction in the winter months and meditation with candle light can be a wonderful way of calming any stress or tension.

Winter Solstice on December 21^st was the official beginning of winter and the shortest day of the year which means that from that day onwards, nights get lighter and days get longer albeit very gradually!

The New Year can be a great time for reflection on the past year – are you in the place you would like to be both physically and emotionally? What did you do well in 2012 and what could have been done differently on reflection? New Year’s resolutions feature highly in most of our plans for change, however if you’re planning on making resolutions it may help to spend time thinking about exactly what you’d like to change in your life and plan to take small steps to ensure that you are able to achieve the goals that you set for yourself. For example if you plan to stop smoking but have failed in the past, what could you do differently this time ie. use patches, join a support group etc. Think about using the SMART method of goal setting (see my Christmas article for more information).

The weeks after Christmas and New Year can be a time when you may feel quite low as the anti-climax of the festive season sets in. Finances are low due to the big spend in December and the weather can be grey and cold. Brighten up your life by bringing in colour into your surroundings; treat yourself to some new additions to your wardrobe or home – you don’t have to spend lots, visit charity shops or go to the local car boot sale which can harbour hidden gems just waiting to be bartered for. If your outer world is bright and colourful your inner world follows. Ensure that you nourish yourself with warm, healthy seasonal food as it is widely known that food affects mood.

Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean that you can’t get out and make the most of your surroundings. Winter is a good time to catch up with friends, go to museums or galleries or take up a new hobby that will take you outside eg. photography, walking etc. Being cooped up all day is not good for your mental health; as humans we are built to be social and to be out in the world whatever the weather so wrap up warm and get out there!

Winter can be a challenging time for many of us but it doesn’t have to be unbearable, use these tips to help yourself have a memorable and reflective season and if you decide that it’s time to invest in a psychological cleanse in the form of committing to attending counselling/psycotherapy get in touch and we can discuss how you can start working towards obtaining those goals that you have set for yourself.

All the best

Nicola

If you would like to subscribe to my free quarterly newsletters and regular articles please send an email to nicola@nicolacroote.com.

Counselling to Help you Connect with your Inner Child

Nicki — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 09:03:39 +0000

When was the last time you had fun and were able to let go of feeling self conscious in order to have a good time?

If it has been a while it may be down to the fact that it’s difficult for you to connect to the child part of yourself, the part of you that is carefree and spontaneous, creative and fun loving. It may be because that part of you is wounded or damaged and hides away for fear of judgement or criticism.

If you watch children you will see that they are spontaneous, playful and are always using their imaginations to make play more fun and enjoyable. As adults we often lose this ability especially if these qualities were not encouraged by the adults around us, if we had strict parents or suffered from abuse or neglect. We can grow up feeling self conscious, guarded and fearful of letting ourselves go in order to have fun and often turn to substances or other behaviours which make it a lot easier. However this often comes with negative consequences such as hangovers and worse!

Through therapy I can offer you the chance to re-connect with the child part of yourself, which will dramatically improve your life.

Being able to connect with your inner child may be painful to start with as you may uncover past hurts and difficult feelings, however once you make that connection you will also find a deep well of creativity and the ability to have fun again. You will re-discover activities and interests that you had forgotten about and you will find the healing that takes place will change all aspects of your life for the better. You will be able to manage feelings rather than your feelings controlling you, your relationships will improve as you learn how to integrate your inner child with your inner adult.

This type of therapy is extremely powerful and effective and can be accessed by anyone who wants to improve their life and tap into their creativity. Creative therapeutic tools are used within therapy sessions in order to facilitate your connection to your child part such as:

• Art
• Objects
• Story telling
• Clay

These help you to make the connection to the young part of yourself very quickly and effectively and give you the opportunity to experience something different from simply spending the session talking.

If you would like to make a change to your life and try something different that will give you rapid results, make the commitment and invest in yourself today.

I am currently offering a spring special offer of 6 sessions for the price of 5 so it’s the perfect time to make that change – what are you waiting for?

If you would like to book a session or to discuss this topic further call me on 07841 420067 or email me at nicola@nicolacroote.com

Has Your Christmas Lost its Sparkle?

Nicki — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:59:24 +0000

Christmas is drawing near and for a lot of people it means spending time with family or loved ones, indulging in lots of rich and decadent food, drinking alcohol and general merriment and enjoyment. However Christmas can also be a time of reflection and can often highlight what we have or haven’t got in our lives. This can bring up difficult feelings for many and Christmas ends up being a struggle to get through rather than something to enjoy. The media often triggers feelings of inadequacy as we’re constantly bombarded with happy family scenes when actually it’s the time of year when arguments are more likely to happen in the home, purely because of the amount of pressure we’re all under to have a good time! It’s also a time when debt is accrued by many in the desperate attempts to fulfil their loved ones Christmas wish list, only to be followed by a major financial hangover in the new year when debts need repaying.

There are ways that you can get through this testing time. Try not to buy into the media hype and see it as a time for you to give to yourself – notice what you are saying to yourself; is it kind and thoughtful or critical and negative? A good way to get negative thoughts under control is to start a journal where you start by noticing when you’re feeling bad and identify exactly what those feelings are, for example anxious about spending time with relatives over Christmas or sad that you are going to be alone over this time. Next notice what you are thinking and identify thoughts that are probably making you feel worse eg. “This is going to be a crap Christmas, I’m single again, everyone else is with someone, I’m unloveable” – not only is this going to make you feel worse about yourself, it isn’t true! So the next step is to challenge this thought eg. I’m not the only single person in the world, I have friends and family who do love me and there are benefits to being single – I can do what I want, when I want and it could be the perfect time to meet someone with all the Christmas and New Year parties going on!” Then notice what happens with your feelings – the chances are that you’ll feel a lot less sad or anxious and you may even feel positive about yourself, which can help you find creative solutions to your problem.

Nurture yourself with loving and positive thoughts and take the extra time you have off over the holiday season to reflect on the past year and to think about where you want to be this time next year. What do you want to achieve and what do you need to do in order to attain this? Set yourself goals and break them down into small manageable steps using the SMART method as follows:

Specific – write down exactly what you want to achieve

Measurable – ensure that you are able to measure your progress along the way

Attainable – when you set your goals ensure that they are achievable and you are able to take the steps needed to reach them

Realistic – make sure that your goals are do-able and realistic for you

Timed – set a time frame for your goals. Putting an end point on your goal gives you a clear target to work towards.

When it comes to presents, buy gifts that are thoughtful rather than extravagant or expensive, you could even try making something which not only help you to get in touch with your creative side but can also be very therapeutic and you will be giving something unique to your loved ones.

If, however you find that Christmas is just too much, you find that you are struggling with your feelings for yet another year and none of the above is working for you, maybe it’s time for you to invest in yourself and your emotional well being by giving counselling a try. Counselling can be useful in helping you to understand your difficult feelings, help you to work through them and learn how to manage them instead of them managing you. It can be a way of setting and attaining your goals for the future and ensuring that from now on Christmas is on your terms and no one else’s.

Alternatively if you are struggling with achieving your goals and would like help in this area, invest in a course of life coaching sessions. Life coaching works really well in getting you to identify what you want to achieve and when. By having a course of 6 sessions you are encouraged to be focussed and will get to understand what is blocking you from attaining your goals so that you can clear them, along with any limiting beliefs.

If you would like to book an appointment or call to discuss how counselling or life coaching can help you please contact me on 07841 420067 or alternatively email me at nicola@nicolacroote.com

Relationship Problems and Co-dependency

Nicki — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:36:04 +0000

Most of us struggle with relationships at some time in our life, but do you feel frustrated as your relationships always feel like hard work? Do you feel like being single but can’t get out of your relationship? Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts and actions and feel compelled to help them by solving their problems or taking care of their feelings? Do you stay in relationships that don’t work for years hoping that things will improve? Or does your partner have an addiction which you find yourself taking second place and making excuses for?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you may be experiencing co-dependency.

What is co-dependency?

Co-dependency is when you feel that you cannot deal with life without your partner; boundaries are blurred and your focus is primarily on them. They come first and you lose sight of your own needs and aspirations. It affects your ability to have a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as the relationship addiction as relationships are usually one sided and compulsive with the co-dependent losing themselves in the relationship and finding that they cannot get out of it.

How is co-dependency developed?

Co-dependency is usually developed whilst growing up in a dysfunctional family where members suffer from feelings of shame, anger, fear or pain and may include families where someone in the family has an addiction ie. alcohol, drugs, work, food, sex or gambling or any kind of abuse is happening within the family ie. physical (domestic violence), emotional or sexual or a family member is suffering from a physical or mental illness. The focus is put on the family member who is addicted, carrying out the abuse or has the illness and the co-dependent members of the family put their own needs aside in order to care for or deal with the person who is sick. Children within the family learn that their needs are secondary and grow up with this belief about themselves thus becoming involved in dysfunctional relationships as adults. Living with co-dependency can create very difficult and painful feelings such as depression, anxiety, fear, anger and shame. These feelings are often denied as rules of the family are ‘don’t feel’, ‘don’t trust’, ‘don’t talk’ and ‘don’t express’. Children in these families therefore grow up with no understanding of their feelings and how to express or communicate them with others.

What are the symptoms of co-dependency?

Co-dependents usually have low self esteem and manage this by turning to behaviours such as drug or alcohol use, over working, sex, shopping or other unhealthy addictions. You do not know how to get your needs met and more than likely do not even know what your needs are as you are so used to taking care of others. Your need to take care of others means that you become so involved in other’s lives to the point that you end up feeling resentful of the person you are rescuing or taking care of. Examples include covering for a partner who has messed up as a result of their drinking problem, making excuses for a misbehaving child or paying for your partner’s latest shopping spree that you can’t afford. You may see yourself as a victim who is powerless and has no choices.

Other symptoms include:

The need to control others
Helping others in order to feel needed and/or wanted
Inability to be playful or to have fun
Fear of being alone
Perfectionist
Difficulty in identifying how you feel
Relationship problems; staying in unhealthy relationships for fear of being alone or feeling abandoned.
Depression
Lack of trust in yourself and/or others

How do I stop being co-dependent?

The first step is being aware of being co-dependent and taking steps to finding out more about co-dependency which is a form of addiction. Books can be helpful in educating yourself. Individual or group therapy can also be very useful where the focus is usually on childhood issues as this is where co-dependency is rooted. Counselling can help you to identify feelings that have been buried and you will be encouraged to express these feelings within a safe and trusting environment. Learning ways to say ‘no’ to others demands in a loving way and developing your own sense of identity will help you to gain confidence in yourself and build your self esteem. Learning how to have fun and develop your own interests and hobbies means that you will be able to let go, relax and live the life that you want to lead.

If you have any questions about co-dependency you can call me on 07841 420067.

Considering Counselling in Tough Economic Times

Nicki — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:09:08 +0000

Have you found that the credit crunch has affected your wellbeing in that your life has taken a turn in a different direction? Do you find yourself feeling stressed and anxious about the future? Or do you resent the fact that choices about your life have been made for you making you feel out of control?

You may be experiencing feelings that you are unfamiliar to you and are unsure of what your next step could be.

Maybe you have turned to alcohol, drugs or other unhelpful behaviours to help you deal with this difficult change and found that they helped in the short term but are now creating more stress and loss of control in your life.

Many people are finding themselves in a similar position at this time and are turning to counselling in order to help them adjust to their new situation. Counselling can help you to find ways of managing your stress levels and turn a new and uncomfortable change of circumstances into a beneficial and positive outcome.

Having a regular space available to you each week and someone to listen and help you find the answers that you already have within you can be hugely empowering and satisfying. Unlike the quick fix you get from alcohol, other substances or behaviours, the results are permanent and much more rewarding!
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be an excellent way of changing unhelpful beliefs and behaviours and can be done quickly and effectively if you are committed to achieve the results that you want. The first session would be to discuss your desired outcome and the struggles that you are currently having and then set goals to help you focus on during future sessions. I will regularly check out with you if this way of working feels right and if it doesn’t I will discuss alternative methods – I have a large therapeutic toolbox!

We can also discuss how many sessions you may realistically need. A typical duration is 6-8 sessions to explore a basic issue and to work on solutions, some deeper emotional issues can require more time. I am mindful that you may require certainty around costs in order to make counselling financially viable and I am therefore open to providing estimates so that you are clear about the financial outlay.

How to Increase your Self-Confidence

Nicki — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:29:05 +0000

1. Take care of your physical health

Focus on eating healthy food, getting enough relaxation and sleep and getting regular physical exercise. I’ve put this at the top of the list as this is the basis for feeling good about yourself. If your body feels good you will start to feel good.

2. Think positive!

Become aware of what you are saying to yourself on a daily basis; you’re probably not aware of the negative things that you are telling yourself and how this affects your feelings and behaviours. When you start being aware of your thoughts, write them down and notice how they affect your feelings and how you act on them. For example if you tell yourself that you are not good enough for that job you want, you’ll more than likely feel bad about yourself and will act in an un-confident way during the interview, which may mean that you don’t get the job and confirm your original belief that you weren’t good enough for it anyway!

Try changing your belief and replacing it with a new positive affirmation about yourself i.e. I would be an asset to any company due to the skills that I already have. Now see how that affects your feelings; it’s not difficult but does take effort, commitment and practice just like starting anything new. If you stick with it I guarantee you’ll get the results that you want.

3. Enjoy yourself

Find something gives you pleasure (and isn’t destructive or unhealthy!). Rediscover a hobby or interest or take a class in something that you’ve always wanted to learn. Even a trip to the cinema or a night out with friends can work wonders in lifting your spirits and helping you to feel good about yourself.

4.Talk about it

If you’re struggling with something, confide in a trusted friend or family member. Often it can help just to have someone listen to you or to give you a different perspective on your problem.

Get in contact with me if you would like further help with building your self confidence or in working through difficult issues that may be blocking your chance of building the life that you want.